I’ve thought of more things you shouldn’t say to a woman who doesn’t have kids:
11. Your (sister/brother/cousin/friend in Iceland) already has [insert # of kids here], when are you going to finally have kids?
12. “By now your mother/I/some other older woman had [insert the number of kids her amazingly fertile womb was able to procreate] babies.”
13. “My husband just breathes/walks near me/we just talk about kids and we get pregnant.”
14. “If you can’t get pregnant the way God intended, then you aren’t meant to have children.” Whether or not that’s true, or whether or not you believe it to be true–HOLY CRAP NEVER SAY THAT!
I think I should also include my list of responses:
- “Kids? We’re not even having sex yet.”
- “Would you like to see our charts/schedules/temperatures?”
- “Way to be fertile!”
- “Whenever the good Lord gives us one. Thanks for asking.”
I know people mean well, and I’m guilty of saying many of the things I’ve listed (plus some really lame things to women who’ve just miscarried). We’re human and we make mistakes even when we’re trying to do good. Hopefully we’ll learn from our mistakes. It’s comforting to me to know that my God can heal all wounds, and one day we won’t feel this pain. We’ll be surrounded by the babies we longed for and the babies we lost.